Marriage Counseling for College Football and Me: Why only a promotion/relegation/playoff system can save this relationship.

I used to love you, college football. But the last few years have been rocky. The transfer portal and conference realignment have downgraded my love affair to something closer to “deep like.” We’re headed for a messy break-up if things continue to go south.

Please, college football, let’s save this relationship before it’s too late! You mean so much to me; I don’t know what to do if I lose you. So, I’m willing to change if you are.

I’ll go first. I know I’m stuck in my ways. I liked the old bowl system with its conference tie-ins. I long for the Pac-10, the Southwestern Conference, and the time when numbering meant something to the Big 10 and Big 12. I miss those days when players spent all four (five) years at the same school. Where have you gone, Keith Jackson? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you.

But I know that things change, and they are never going back. I’ll try to accept that and stop complaining like the crusty old fart I am.

But here’s what I need from you, college football: a promotion/relegation/playoff system.

Okay, I’m asking you to meet me more than halfway. And I know there are a million promotion/relegation plans on the internet; they’re here, they’re there, they’re everywhere. But mine is different, and much better. And I know that I’m asking you to act like English soccer. I never thought it would come to that, but that’s how desperate I’ve become.

Sadly, you’ll probably ignore me. You always do. You never care about the people who love you most. Remember when we asked for a playoff, and you gave us the BCS? Okay, I’ll stop picking at old scabs.

We can still save this troubled relationship, but it will take work. Here’s the plan:

Divisions

Conferences? We won’t have them. It’s not because I don’t like conferences. I do, but you don’t. You started killing them back in 2010 when Nebraska became the 11th member of the Big 10; UCLA and USC just put the nail in the coffin (I never liked those guys). It’s sad, but it’s time to let the conference system go.

Instead, we will have three divisions—Gold, Silver, and Bronze—each with 32 teams.

Move Up or Move Down

As in English soccer, teams can be promoted or face relegation. Say a team in the Silver Division performs well. The following season, they move up to the Gold Division to replace a bottom-tier team. We won’t call it promotion or relegation. That’s too British. American football teams move up or move down.

Eight teams from each division move up or down each season. That sounds like a lot, especially compared to English soccer. But there are a lot of college football teams, and it’s more fun this way. An eight-team divisional reshuffle makes more games “count” by spreading out the rewards and punishment.

Rivalry Season

One of the saddest things about conference realignment is the loss of old rivalries. Gundy is already talking about the end of Bedlam. Sure, there will still be Ohio State vs. Michigan and Auburn vs. Alabama. But UCLA playing Rutgers instead of Cal? Yeah, that will pack the Rose Bowl like…

See what you’re getting, Big 10?

I want a schedule full of traditional matchups and games that matter. Instead of Rivalry Week, how about an entire regular season of rivalries? In my proposal, each team starts the season with an eight-game schedule of traditional rivals.

Look at the bellwether teams in each Power 5 conference and compare their actual 2022 opening schedule with my proposal. Which season would you rather watch?

I’d miss my kid’s wedding to see those proposed matchups.

My schedule preserves traditional rivalries and resurrects old ones (who doesn’t long for the return of Oklahoma vs. Nebraska?). And it gets rid of cream-puff schedule-fillers, like Alabama vs. Louisiana-Monroe; Ohio St vs. Arkansas St.; Clemson vs. Furman; Oklahoma vs. Arkansas-Pine Bluff; USC vs. Rice.

Playoffs

After the regular season, each division holds a 32-team playoff. A selection committee seeds the brackets, just like in college basketball. Winners advance through the Sweet 16, Elite Eight, Final Four, and on to National Championship Game.

Teams in the Silver and Bronze Divisions that make it to the Elite Eight move up.

Where things get interesting is the losers’ bracket. All teams that lost in the Round of 32 enter a 16-team consolation bracket to stay in the division. Lose in the first round and you’re going down!

I created mock brackets for the Gold, Silver, and Bronze 2022 College Football Playoffs to whet your appetite. The rankings came from Lindey’s College Football 2022 Preview, and I advanced teams on chalk.

2022 Gold Division Winners Bracket

2022 Gold Division Consolation Bracket

Gold Teams Moving Down To Silver

Purdue

Texas

Iowa

LSU

UCLA

Penn St.

Tennessee

Florida

2022 Silver Division Winners Bracket

Silver Teams Moving Up to Gold

Virginia

Pitt

Fresno St.

Kansas St.

UCF

Mississippi St.

Boston College

Florida St.

2022 Silver Division Consolation Bracket

Silver Teams Moving Down to Bronze

Texas Tech

Missouri

West Virginia

UTSA

Louisville

Arizona St.

Iowa St.

Louisiana

2022 bronze Division Winners Bracket

Bronze Teams Moving Up to Silver

Stanford

Air Force

San Diego St.

Utah St.

Memphis

Washington St.

Indiana

Northwestern

2022 Bronze Division Consolation Bracket

I guess you don’t really need a consolation bracket for the Bronze Division because they’ve already hit rock bottom. However, I’ve included it in case we want to add more divisions (more on this in a bit).

There are so many great things about my playoff system. First, it is fun. What in the wide, wide, world of sports would be better than a college football playoff? Three of them, that’s what! Second, every school has a chance to play for the National Championship. No more Power 5 monopoly (really, it’s an SEC/Big 10 monopoly). No more questionable calls from the college football playoff selection committee. Lose some regular-season games because of a tough schedule, some bad calls, or a rash of injuries? No problem, you’re guaranteed a spot in the playoffs! We might even see the college football equivalent of St. Peter’s making it to the Elite Eight. Finally, more games matter. There’s no packing it in at the end of the season because the games are meaningless. In fact, the relegation games (er, the “move-down” games) might be the most fun to watch. I’d normally pass on a UTSA-App State matchup, but I would tune in to see a game that decided who remains in the Silver.

Roy “Tin Cup” McAvoy once said that the U.S Open was “the most democratic golf tournament in the world… They can’t ask you if you’re a garbage man or a driving range pro whose checks are signed by a stripper. You qualify, you’re in.” Same with my playoff system. It doesn’t matter if you are the Crimson Tide, the Chippewas, or the Chanticleers; everyone has a shot at the golden ring.

The Portal

I hate the transfer portal for many reasons, not least because the rich get richer. Teams like Alabama already dominate the recruiting trail; adding Jahmyr Gibbs is just plain greedy. So many players switch teams that we’re basically rooting for strangers in familiar jerseys. And only Carmen Sandiego knows where in the world Tate Martell and JT Daniels are right now—there is a good chance they have played or are currently playing for your alma mater. If I had my way, I’d blow up the portal like it was Stargate.

The best we can do is to make the portal more like the old days. Back in my day, you had to sit out a year if you wanted to transfer from one Division I program to another. If you wanted to play immediately, you had to transfer down to Division I-AA or lower.

In my system, the only movement in the portal is down. You can transfer from a Gold Division team to one in the Silver or Bronze Divisions. Silvers can move to Bronze. There’s nothing lower than Bronze, so players there are stuck with a lateral move.

The benefit of this system is that it brings some competitive balance to college football. Indeed, success in the portal is likely the secret sauce for moving up divisions. Does it solve all of college football’s inequities? No. Is it a step in the right direction? Absolutely.

The Money and the Bowls

I suspect my system would produce record-setting television contracts. Just look at the five sample schedules above; every game is fantastic. Indeed, there would be dozens of “must-watch” regular season games each week, compared to just a handful under the current system. And if CBS/Turner Sports is willing to pay $870 million for March Madness, just imagine how much the networks would be willing to shell out for a 32-team college football playoff.

Teams in each division split revenue equally. Gold teams would receive the most; Bronze the least. Sure, this creates financial inequities between divisions, but it is a whole lot better than the current system. MAC teams have a low financial ceiling and nothing short of a Phil Knight/T. Boone Pickens-type benefactor can change their fortunes. Under my system, Ball State has a chance to make it to the Gold Division and reap a financial windfall—maybe even enough to sustain its position among the elites and become one of the big boys. The current system is the Monopolistic/Aristocratic/Trust-Fundtastic League of Country Club Fat Cats. Mine is the Horatio Alger/Pull-Yourself-Up-By-Your-Bootstraps/The American Way League of Winners.

I liked the old Bowl System. I wish we could go back to the days when the Rose Bowl featured the best teams from the Pac 10 and Big 10 (and I mean a Big with an actual ten). The bowl experience was a lot of fun for players and good for communities. Still, my playoff system is too good to pass up. So, I propose the Rose, Fiesta, Sugar, Orange, and Cotton host the Final Four and rotate the National Championship Game. Is it the same? No. But this system pays respect to a better era, raises more money through corporate tie-ins, and will give the folks in Pasadena something to do after the parade.

Caveats

No system is perfect, although mine is close. Here are a few objections to my plan and why all but the last are wrong:

1. Past performance is not indicative of future results. Teams change year-to-year, sometimes dramatically. An undefeated LSU squad won the 2019 National Championship. They went 5-5 in the next Covid-shortened year. In 2021, they were 6-7, and Orgeron went packing. In my system, there is the possibility that the Tigers would have gone down to a lower division. So be it. There will be some fluky times when a national powerhouse like LSU gets sent down. There will also be times a historically mediocre-to-bad team gets hot and moves up, only to regress to the mean the following years (see Oregon State’s 2000 football season). I like this. Mine is a show-me league. If LSU doesn’t want to be in the Silver Division, they better win some games.

2. Teams are not guaranteed a “full season.” In my system, the regular season is eight games. All teams are guaranteed two playoff games. If you lose both, you have a ten-game season; if you win them all, you have a 13-game season. Some fans will complain that ten games are not enough. But, let’s be honest, if your team loses both playoff games, do you really need to see any more? And if you asked players, most would say that ten games are plenty. In fact, it might even be better to cap the regular season at four, so the minimum number of games in a season is six, and the maximum is 11. This is the way to go if we actually cared about the health and education of college football players. But, hey, we’re not the ones bashing our heads in for 14 games while taking 16 units.

3. Only a few playoff games really matter. The obvious appeal of the Gold Winners Bracket is that you’re playing for a National Championship. No elaboration is needed here, so let’s turn to other races.

The fun part of the Silver and Bronze Winners Bracket is seeing who makes it to the Elite Eight and moves up. After that, one might argue there is nothing left to play for. Likewise, the best part of the Gold and Silver Consolation Brackets is seeing who loses in the first round and goes down. After that, who really cares who wins the losers’ bracket?

I admit that meaningless games at the end of some brackets are the best arguments against my system. So, maybe the Silver and Bronze Winners Bracket stops at the Elite 8. Likewise, perhaps the Gold and Silver consolation brackets are only one round. I’m okay with both modifications since I’m generally in favor of whatever shortens a college football season.

4. What about UMass and UC Davis? You’ll notice that only 96 teams make it into one of my three divisions. There are 131 teams in the FBS. What to do with these other 35 teams? One might also wonder: why not include the FCS? Good question. I’d pick The Dakota States (North and South) and the Montanas over most of the teams in the Bronze Division, even some in the Silver. There are a couple of possibilities here. One is to politely suggest to FBS teams ranked #97 and lower that, with all due respect, maybe football is not the sport for you. The other possibility—and this is the fun one—is to have divisions all the way down. Why even have an FBS and an FCS? Instead, create five divisions that make no distinction of rank. You could even get Division II football in the mix; I’d love to see how far Bemidji State can move up the ladder. As an aside, I’m tempted not to mess with the FCS because they do football the right way; if you’re a real football fan, the FCS is your jam.

5. The powers-that-be will never go for it. Yep, I agree. It doesn’t matter how good this or any other proposal might be. It doesn’t matter that wholesale reform would salvage the relationship between college football and millions of fans. And it doesn’t matter that this system is better for every college football team outside the newly engorged SEC and Big 10. What matters is that this system would make the members of the SEC and Big 10 slightly poorer. As such, they have no incentive to move away from something that gives them a virtual—soon-to-be actual—monopoly over college football.

I expect that the SEC and Big 10 will soon become 20 or 24-team superleagues. They’ll have their league playoffs and an SEC-Big 10 Championship Game, which will be the de facto National Championship. It will look just like the NFL. All other college football teams will scramble to find relevance in cobbled-together conferences. But it won’t be the same. Fans will leave, television money will dry up, and colleges will soon find football unprofitable. With the loss of money, those academic voices who have always hated football will grow louder. Most programs will fold, never to return. Those of us who are not alumni of one of the 40 or 48 colleges remaining will lose interest, and the television money will dry up, even for the superleagues. The jackasses in the SEC and Big 10 will belatedly realize their greed was their undoing, but it will be too late. America will have turned her attention to Pickleball, Cornhole, or some other nonsense sport that doesn’t cause CTE.

Oh, college football, you make me cry! It doesn’t have to be this way. If I can change, so can you. Please listen to reason before it is too late and give us a promotion/relegation/playoff system!